(Entered October 12, 2000)

Thanks to Larry McGahey-Lowpockets Radio and Paul Boyd



Joel Stashenko reported for the Associated Press that the man who killed John Lennon - a man who Yoko referred to as "the subject" in her letter to the parole board - told the board he deserves to be in prison for his "despicable" crime.

A transcript of the parole board hearing which "the subject" attended was released to the Associated Press and other news organizations after they had filed a Freedom of Information Act request.

The "subject" also said he nearly skipped the hearing after finally realizing how much pain he caused John's widow, Yoko Ono.

"I don't even deserve to be here," -- meaning alive -- while Lennon is dead, the "subject" told the three-member panel on October 3.

"What I did was despicable," he said. "I don't feel it's up to me to ask to be let out."

The "subject" said he read comments by Yoko over the summer that said she began shaking uncontrollably after he shot John Lennon to death in 1980.

"I think for the first time I really realized, you know, the pain that I caused," the subject said. "I mean, here's a person that can't control their body, and that really hit home. ... I felt her pain then, and I can honestly say I didn't even want to feel it up until then. It's a horrible thing to, you know, realize what you've done."

He said the killing was motivated by "vanity," "jealousy," "anger," "resentment" and "stupidity."

He also said he heard a "small voice" urging him to shoot the ex-Beatle.

"I felt like nothing, and I felt if I shot him, I would become something, which is not true at all," he said. "I do wish I was a big nobody again."

Don't worry, "subject." You are.

Related Stories:
"Subject" Makes Plea for Freedom
Parole Denied
Yoko's Statement to Parole Board